You Never Know Who’s Listening      by Tony Smith
“Hey, Roco, grab my tail with your teeth. I’ve got my hoof stuck in this sheep netting.
That’s it. Ok, now pull hard”
“Barney, your tail didn’t taste very nice and look, your hoof’s got a bit of blood on it.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that; at least we got it out. Do you remember yesterday when they came round with the hay they brought some secateurs?”
“Yes, Barney, they went over to those holly trees and cut off lots of little bits!”
Yes, I thought they were going to try and get us to eat them.”
“Yes, Barney, I thought so too. They must be mad to think any pet would eat that stuff.”
“Well, Roco, while they were snipping away I heard one of them talking about putting lights up on a tree.”
“Yes, I heard that too.”
“Well, I’ve been thinking. You know how they make all their streets bright? Well, I think they’re going to put lights up round all our fields so we can see where we’re going at night”
“Barney, you’re brilliant! That’s the obvious thing!”
“Yeah, but I heard more”
“What was that, Barney?”
“They talked about going out to the shops and buying presents.”
“What’s ‘presents’ mean, Barney?”
“Presents! Presents! Roco, don’t you know what ‘presents’ are? The’re, er, they’re er.
Well, they’re things that humans buy in shops, wrap up in coloured paper, give to another human who then sells it at a boot fair.”
“Barney, how do you know all these things?”
“Well, I once gave kiddies pony rides at a boot fair.”
“Gosh, Barney, you certainly get around.”
“Yes, Roco, but they’re not very bright because this ‘present’ idea they do just doesn’t work!”
“Why is that Barney? They always seem to be more intelligent than me. Surely they know what they’re doing.”
“Now look here, Roco, if it worked everyone at the boot fair would go home empty. But they don’t! They all go home with the same presents they came with!”
“Oh! But Barney, that’s ridiculous! They might as well do something else with the presents. Fancy packing them all up in a car, driving to a boot fair, unloading, standing around for hours on end, packing them all up again and then taking them all back home again to clutter up the house.”
“That’s it, Roco. If they had any sense they would give the unwanted presents to Brownbread Horse Rescue where at least the money raised could do us a bit of good.”
“Yes, Barney, exactly! With a bit more money they might even be able to treat my hoof injury!”
“Roco, do you think they’ve got anything for the revolting tail taste in my mouth?”